Conflict Resolution

Although conflict can seem scary in all kinds of relationships, one has to come to an understanding of the normalcy of conflict and even the healthy aspects of it.  Conflict can be handled in a respectful way which allows the individuals involved to grow and learn while ultimately strengthening the bond between the individuals in question. When it is mismanaged is when it can harm a relationship.

The Office of Human Resource Development at the University of Wisconsin-Madison defines conflict by describing and understanding the various behaviors every person acts out on during moments of confrontation.  These behaviors include:

·      Avoidance: This happens when a person does the address the problem and avoids confronting the issue, hoping the problem and feelings associated with them will eventually go away on their own.  This usually results in the problem boiling over under the surface and eventually needing to be addressed. 

·      Standing Their Ground: This happens when a person won’t give up on attempting to address their issue, and typically results in the individual appearing aggressive in how they communicate. The fear associated with this behavior is one of not having needs met if they don’t set the rules and direct the conversation. 

·      Surrendering: This happens when the person in conflict surrenders/concedes to the needs of the other person involved. They place the needs of others above their own in an attempt to preserve the relationship.

·      Compromise/Sacrifice: This happens when the person concedes as a tradeoff. This means they are focusing on what they want as opposed to understanding the other’s viewpoint, and ultimately does not diffuse the underlying issues of the relationship.

·      Collaborate: This happens when the people in conflict desire a win-win solution. In doing this they come together on common aspirations and needs, so that everyone involved knows their opinions and feelings are important and heard. Cooperation, assertiveness and communication are vital between all people involved.

Through talk therapy, you can develop a deeper understanding of your wants and needs. You will have a better understanding towards your own internal insight, as well as a more profound understanding of those around you in order to have the preliminary tools for conflict resolution.

Note: Jaclyn Yuki Schlanger, M.S., AMFT is not responsible for the content, claims or representations of the listed sites.